User blog:Gashon Cansaker/An Unnamed Slenderville Origin (Written by Me, Sorry If it Sucks)
The Crime Scene Gashon: Who the hell is this victim, Rygan? Rygan: His name was Anakin Xeno. His wallet and stuff are still here so it wasn't robbery. Gashon: Jesus Christ, he looks like one of those gay guys on Glee! In fact, I bet he IS gay! Rygan: Come on, man, he's wearing a bow tie. Gashon: Yeah, so? Rygan: Bow ties are cool. o_o Gashon: Ok, Doctor Who, how did he die? Rygan: Jay says he'll have to do the autopsy anyway, but he's pretty sure its electrocution. Gashon: Then it looks like our victim... -puts on sunglasses- ...had a pretty shocking experience. The Coroner's Gashon: So, Jay, are you positive he was electrocuted now? Jay: Yeah, definitely. And I'm pretty sure your killer used an electric chair. He died between 9 PM and Midnight last night. Rygan: -walks in- I just looked through the victim's cell phone. At 10:30 PM, he got a call from his boyfriend- Gashon: CALLED IT! Rygan: ...His boyfriend Tiger Assassin. Gashon: Ok, then let's go talk to him. At Tiger's House Rygan: Ok, Tiger, where were you between 9 PM to Midnight yesterday? Tiger: Easy. I was here. Rygan: Can anyone verify that, Tiger? Tiger: No, I was alone. Now what is this about? Gashon: Your boyfriend was murdered last night. And you called him right in the time of death window. Tiger: Bitch please, I was calling to dump his sorry ass. Rygan: What for? Tiger: I've been seeing someone else. For about a month. Gashon: Who? Tiger: I can't say. Gashon: Uh, thanks for your time. Tiger: Screw you. Gashon: Sorry bro, I'm straight. -Gashon and Rygan leave- Rygan: Dude, we need the name of that guy he's seeing. Gashon: Just get his cell phone records and tell me if something pops. Rygan: Got it. At the Police Station Rygan: Hey, Gashon, I think I found the person Tiger's seeing. Gashon: Alright, who is it? Rygan: Well over the past month, Tiger has been making and receiving calls from a guy, so I guess Tiger's story checks out. And get this, he's an alien. Gashon: An alien? Like, as in outer space? Rygan: Sorry to disappoint you, Richard Castle, but he's just in the country illegally. Gashon: Oh. Does our alien have a NAME? Rygan: Yes, his name is...uh.. Dom Angel-butt Gashon: Angel-butt? That's his legit last name? Rygan: Well his real last name is so impossible to pronounce, they used what his last name MEANT for when he's in America. Gashon: So his name literally makes him an ass. How hard to pronounce can his name possibly be? Rygan: Well, it just looks like a bunch of random letters. It doesn't look like anything from the world. This dude needs to like, buy a vowel. Plus, some of the symbols in his last name look like numbers. Almost like he IS from space. Gashon: Hey, Dom could easily mean Demonic Outerspace Messenger. Let's go talk to him. The Angel-butt Residence Gashon: Alright, Mr. Angel-butt, we know you've been seeing Tiger Assassin Dom: ok. o_o Rygan: That's all you have to say to that? Dom: Yep. o_o Gashon: Will you quit makin that face? Dom: No. o_o Gashon: Fine, where were you between 9 PM and Midnight? Dom: At Tiger's. o_o Rygan: Doing what? Dom: We've been dating a month. It was at night. FIGURE IT OUT. o_o Rygan: TMI. Gashon: -gibbs slap Rygan- You asked him! Rygan: Ow, that hurt. Ok Angel-butt can you verify this? Dom: -shows ankle bracelet- This thing tracks me everywhere I go, here's all the proof you need. o_o Gashon: Ok then. Rygan let's get out of here. Rygan: Thank god... Back at the Police Station Rygan: I checked the ankle bracelet, he was at Tiger's house during our time of death. So Tiger's alibi checks out except for the "I was alone" part. Gashon: Ok then. Does this guy have any kind of record? Rygan: Uh, it says he abducted someone once but that's it. Gashon: Abduction huh.... Rygan: Don't start please. -Reed walks in- Reed: Guys, we have a lead. Big time. Gashon: What is it, Reed? Reed: Me and Kahar found video from a traffic cam with the victim in it. Takes place at about 10:15 PM. You gotta watch it. Now. Gashon and Rygan: Ok then. In the Computer Room Gashon: So what exactly is in this thing? Kahar: Just watch. -video shows Xeno walking down a street when two people grab him and put him in a black van- Rygan: Holy crap! Gashon: Please tell me we have some ID on those people or the van. Kahar: Both. Reed: The two people are Ben Drago and Rufus Zeno. Gashon: And the van? Kahar: Registered to Rufus. Rygan: Then who was driving...? Gashon: Who do we question first? Rygan: Not sure. Reed, where are either Rufus or Ben? Reed: Uh, both of them are heading to the Radum Tower. -Rygan and Gashon start to head out- Kahar: Guys, there's more! Gashon: What is it now? Kahar: Well, both of them are armed, and they're using the van. Rygan: Anything else? Reed: Yes. They have Tiger and that Angel-butt guy tied up in the back seat. Gashon: We gotta get them now. Tell the captain we need backup. Rygan: Should one of them come with us? Gashon: -looks at Kahar and Reed- Are either of you working on anything else tonight? Kahar and Reed: No. Rygan: Well, why have one when we can have both? Gashon: Alright let's move it! -all four of them head out- The Radum Tower -A bunch of police cars surround the van, with several cops getting out with guns- Gashon and Rygan: -get out of a car and point guns at the van- Gashon: SLENDERVILLE PD! GET OUT OF THE CAR NOW! -Rufus gets out of the passenger seat, and Ben comes out of the back with a gun to Tiger's head- Rygan: Shoot, there still might be a driver Gashon: There's still another hostage in that van. Ben: Don't move or I shoot! Gashon: You're surrounded by cops, don't try anything! Rygan: Why'd you guys kill Xeno? Ben: We ain't talking till you cops put down your weapons! Kahar: We won't put down ours until you put down yours! Gashon: Yeah, what he said... Ben: Fine. -lowers gun- -all cops start to lower their guns- Ben: PSYCH! -shoots Tiger in the back- Gashon: You're under arrest! Ben: Try and catch me then! Rufus: Uh Ben, I think they got us. Ben: Who cares, if we're gonna go down, we go down in flames! -puts down gun and goes after Rygan- Rygan: -tries to smack Ben with gun- Ben: -kicks gun out of Rygan's hand- Rygan: -punches Ben in the face- Ben: -knocks Rygan over and takes switchblade out of his pocket- -a single gunshot goes off, Ben falls over with Gashon pointing a gun at him- Reed: Is he dead? Gashon: Yep. -Everyone turns to Rufus- Rufus: Relax, I ain't trying anything! -Gashon goes to handcuff Rufus- Blast: -is running in the street towards the tower- WHAT IS GOING O-- *speeding car hits Blast* Gashon: -takes out radio- Um, we need a bus in front of the Radum Tower, Blast Radum the playboy just got hit by a car... talk about car-ma! Rygan: Ok this is all fine and dandy but we gotta get that driver out! Gashon: Oh, right. -once again, all cops point guns at the van- Rygan: Still a hostage in there right? Gashon: Yeah I think so... WHOEVER IS IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT OF THIS VAN, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP! -Goji Uzumaki slowly steps out with his hands up- Gashon: Oh it's Goji, wee... Kahar: Isn't "wee" what we say when we're going down a waterslide? Gashon: Oh yeah... Goji: I didn't wanna do it, they threatened to kill me if I didn't drive this thing! Rygan: Yeah Yeah, say that in court. Gashon: We're forgetting something. Kahar, Reed, and Rygan: What? Gashon: -opens the back door of the van- We're forgetting this freakshow back here... -Angel-butt is still there tied up- Rygan: He's still alive right? Gashon: Yeah, if not, he'd be dying with that stupid stare on his face... Dom: HEY! STILL TIED UP HERE! o_o Everyone else: Oh, yeah right... -one of them unties him- Gashon: Ok, let's get the hell out of here and take these two into interrogation. -looks at Rufus and Goji- Interrogation Room 1: Goji Uzumaki Rygan: Alright Goji, explain how you got involved in this. Goji: Rufus and Ben found me, it was all Rufus's plan. He said they needed me to drive their van somewhere. If I didn't I'd die. Gashon: Did you witness them killing Xeno? Goji: No. They made me drive on the street, told me to stop then they grabbed him. They made me drive them to this building, and made me stay outside until they came back with this huge bag. Then I realized it was the dead body, and they made me drive to where they dumped the body. Rygan: What about the two hostages, Tiger and... ugh what's that freak's name again? Gashon: Angel-butt... Rygan: Right, what about Tiger and... Angel-butt... Goji: They made me drive to both their houses, next thing I know they're tied up in the back. Gashon: Why did you drive to the Radum Tower? Goji: I don't know, they told me to wait outside once we got there. I assumed they were gonna kill the two of them. They would've gotten away with it if you guys didn't show up. Rygan: Looks like Rufus is next. Gashon: Yep... Interrogation Room 2: Rufus Zeno Gashon: Alright Rufus, we know you're the leader in this. If you sign a confession, you might just not get the death penalty. Rufus: Confession, my ass. Rygan: Where was Xeno killed? Rufus: I don't know, where's my lawyer? Gashon: Ok if you don't confess everything now, your gonna die. Why surrender to us at the Radum Tower if you're not gonna tell us? Rygan: -says in some foreign language- My partner is crazy and may start shooting at any moment... Rufus: Ok, Xeno was killed at the OriussCorp Building. Gashon: Then why go to the Radum Tower? Rufus: We had suspicions you'd follow us. Why lead you straight to the crime scene where we can go somewhere else? Rygan: So what's Goji's role in all this? Rufus: Me and Ben needed a driver, we just settled on someone who we can manipulate. Gashon: Put all this on paper and you might not die. See ya in court. OriussCorp Building Gashon: Alright, Rufus's confession says he was killed in the basement. This better be the scene. Rygan: If not, Rufus will pretty much be commiting suicide. -Both of them head into an elevator and go down to the basement- Gashon: Ok, creepy door at the end of a hallway... if this were a horror movie, it would be a stupid idea to check there. Rygan: Too bad this is reality. Gashon: If theres a chainsaw dude in there, let's hope you run fast. Rygan: Faster than you, at least. Gashon: Whatever. -tries to open the door- Rygan: Locked? Gashon: Not for long. Stand back. -kicks door open- Rygan: It's like your foot holds the magical key to open any door. Gashon: Yep, it's a gift. -Both of them walk inside to see an electric chair in a corner- Rygan: Found the murder weapon. Gashon: I think I see blood. Rygan: Looks like Rufus was telling the truth. Gashon: Damn, wanted to see that dude rot in a cell. Rygan: If he didn't surrender at the Tower, you would've been satisfied. He probably would've been shot down by a bunch of officers under a streetlight or something. Gashon: I saw him with a gun, but it wasn't loaded when we looked through it. If he was shot down, that would seem so familar, but I cant place it... Rygan: I know right? We should probably call this in. Gashon: Got it. Back at the Police Station Reed: So what's gonna happen to Rufus? Gashon: He's gonna be in holding till the trial, we don't know how long his prison sentence will be. Kahar: Goji? Rygan: He's testifying against Rufus, I don't think he's being charged though. Reed: How about that kid uh... Jesus Christ we gotta write his name down! Kahar: Yeah, who was that second hostage again? Gashon: Angel-butt... Reed: Still can't digest that last name. What's happening to him? Deporting? Gashon: Uh, he's gonna testify too, then he can choose to either do the whole become-a-citizen thing or go back to...where ever the hell he's from. Dylan: -is yelling from his office- ANYONE KNOW WHERE THE CIGAR THE SIZE OF DANNY'S FINGER IS? Everyone: NO! Gashon: So should we get pizza or something? Rygan: Uh, my wife Mikayla is probably gonna want me home... -everyone stares at him- Kahar: Bro, you don't have a wife named Mikayla Gashon: Actually, he just doesn't have a WIFE! Rygan: Hey, I can dream! Gashon: But do you really have to dream out loud?! Reed: Yeah Rygan, we don't know how you're a cop when you're imagining a wife. Rygan: What do you want me to do then? Gashon: How about get an actual girlfriend? That would be a decent start. Rygan: Whatever. Kahar: Are we gonna get pizza or what? Gashon: Ok, let's go. Reed: Uh, is Angel-butt in the precinct? Rygan: Wait what? Gashon: -looks by door- Uh oh... Kahar: We can sneak out the back door... Rygan: What about Dylan? Gashon: He's tearing his office apart looking for a cigar, we'll be fine. The other three: Ok.. -they all sneak out the back door- *The end. There might be another story coming. Ok.